Night by night

Last night, I got so confused and I didn’t know what to do. I was overthinking with the fact that I can’t make you as happy like how I made you happy before. I’m tired. Tired of not being enough and tired of these thoughts that i can’t hold much longer. But then again we fixed it like how we promise to each other that we will fix our problems.

This night I think I got out of hand. Maybe it’s because of lack or sleep and my mood just shifted again. I can be bipolar at times (haha) and now you’re not talking to me.

The last thing you asked was “3 things that upsets you.” I told you that I’m not in the mood for those because I was just upset. Maybe with the fact that most of the things that upsets me is related to you. I don’t actually know what 3 things that upsets me but I only have one answer for you that may serve your question.

The things that upsets me the most when we’re not okay. Maybe you think it’s dense but no. Because most of the we’re not okay to the point that we don’t even really talk that much. We talk but I just can’t feel that much connection. It is always “Okay.” “Okay.” I’m sorry but i don’t like conversations like that. It upsets me to the point that I feel like we’re losing each other slowly. The thought of drifting apart from you hurts me the most. And right now I don’t know what is happening to you or where are you even now.

I hope I answered your question.

16 months.

I don’t know what to do. I’m quite confused. This is hurting us for so long. But, I don’t think that we can even fix what’s broken. I’m tired. Tired of hoping and doing my best to fix what i ruined. But you just keep on saying that this is just hopeless. I never thought of it like that. Even if i did something that scared you so much. I’m doing my best to patch up that scar.

We’ve been fighting so much day by day. We swore to each other that we wouldn’t be like this. But, look at us right now. I don’t even know what will i call this. I just don’t know.

I’ve always loved you more than myself and i’m asking myself. “When will this all end? When will we know that it’s time to end? Or when will we know that our love has ended?”

Don’t worry, babe. I’m still holding on.


me in math class


(Source: earthdad, via asdfghjkllove)